2025: A Reflection (WIP)
⚠ Warning: Grief, weight loss.
So, a whole year have passed. 2025. This is the first year where I get to reflect on what happened in a blog. I'm quite nervous. At the same time, I want to do this. I've always written reflections at the end of the year in my own journal. Now, I get to share some of it in this blog. Here we go!
January: BSOD
Blue screen of death plagued this entire month. It started on 10 January and it kept going until 28 January. The SSD broke and heaven knows what we lost. I only feel grief over the loss of bookmarks. That's it. I thought, is it worth spending around 200 dollars to recover it? I ended up delaying the decision.
February: Grandfather
On 5 February, my grandfather passed away. I remember an hour prior I just beaten Slay the Spire. I celebrated it by hopping to Elden Ring. Then my brother sent me a text saying grandpa is gone. I felt numb. The next thing I knew I was curled up on the pink carpet in my room. I think I had fallen asleep. I didn't attend his funeral. The last time with grandma's was already rough. I felt afraid. I just wanted to avoid letting myself walk through hell again.
March: Weight
Throughout March my weight and muscle mass decreased significantly. People noticed. They'd joke about treating me to a meal. I'm unsure how I feel about it. On one hand it's fine, but on the other hand it made me feel self-conscious. I've always been skinny, but this weight loss freaked me out. A friend suggested I exercise and eat a certain snack. I did so but struggled to continue due to my conditions.
April: Japan
I went to Japan in early April! I mostly went to rural Japan and I couldn't believe that I was able to visit my OC's house! That was nuts. Like, the pictures I saved from Pinterest as my OC's house inspo, I got to go there! I got to walk around inside and felt the flooring, the walls, the roof and felt the atmosphere. It felt surreal to be there. And for those wondering, the place is called Shirakawa-go!
May: Elden Ring and Minecraft
I have no idea how or why but this month was full of me just watching Minecraft broken script videos on YouTube. Random, I know. But man I was really into the whole spooky minecraft videos this month. Apart from that, I started playing Elden Ring with my friend again.
June: Realization and Work
At the start of the month, I had a devastating realization related to a traumatic event. I had the Gatekeeper to thank for stabilizing the system. Um, just skimming through my journal right now and wow, this month really tested my system haha... besides that, I got a job as a freelancer. It felt nice to have some normalcy in between the bullshit.
July: Psychiatrist and HoYo Fest
I went to a psychiatrist on 14 July. On 24 July I went to HoYo Fest with a friend and it was super fun!
August: Laptop and Headphone
I got a new laptop after my previous one was diagnosed with terminal brain damage. Then after a year of contemplation, I finally got my first audiophile headphones. I also got a new mic and a webcam and it has been a wonderful upgrade overall. My friends can hear and see me better. It's nice.
September: Digital Audio Player
Early in the month I confirmed the purchase for a digital audio player. When I got it, I immediately slot it in the case and it looked clean!! No regrets.
October: Flight Rising and Monster Hunter
I started playing Flight Rising in 1 October. I was absolutely clueless but I was determined to learn and have a collection of dragons that resemble my parts.
November: Website and Where Winds Meet
This is the month where I bought my domain and published my site! On 15 November, I played Where Winds Meet with my friend! I kid you not we were both so hyped for this game.
December: Grief
Grief hit me like a truck this month. I kept grieving a past connection. But this individual has changed. As of writing this I'm still struggling. My friend had to snap me out of reenacting past abuse. I'm so grateful for her.
It's clear that this year hasn't been kind to my system. It took a toll on us mentally, emotionally, and physically. And at the same time, I cherish the brief, peaceful moments. This is just the general picture of what happened to me this year. The personally meaningful ones at least.
Every new year is my system acceptance anniversary. It's a bittersweet thing. I will be celebrating quietly with them.
I wish you a gentle new year. See y'all in 2026!